literature

The Saddle Row Review Short: The Prophecy

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Location: Manehattan, Equestria
Dimension ID: MLPFIM42626
Episode: The Saddle Row Review

She sat patiently, waiting, waiting.

The 15th Avenue Pancake House. It was a lovely place to go get a meal. Even now, in the midst of what could easily turn into a crisis, ponies were streaming in and out, some just sitting down to order, others paying their tabs before departing. And, in the middle of it all, sat a Miss Pinkamina Diane Pie, a.k.a. Pinkie Pie. However, there was one thing about her that was extraordinary.

She was not from this world.

That’s right. This particular Pinkie Pie had left the relative safety of Canterlot High to do important business in this cozy little restaurant in Manehattan, Equestria. Her mission: to find out just how big an impact Level Up and Azalea Everstar were having on the Mane Six and their exploits. Oh, how she hated those two Self-Inserts. Everyone else in the Order thought that they were just normal OCs to be treated with the same respect as everyone else. All of her not-in-the-know friends believed the Self-Inserts were perfectly normal, if mysterious, girls. But Pinkie wasn’t fooled. She knew that this situation, if left unchecked, could have disastrous consequences. That’s why she had come here against the orders of her superiors, and that’s also why she was quietly eating blueberry pie while listening to a stallion give her counterpart an interview in the next booth over. Her head ducked and ears perked, she listened carefully.

“Okay, kid. When I interviewed Princess Twilight earlier, she said that Rarity was stressed out over how poorly things were going,” the enthusiastic reporter said. “What are your thoughts on that?”

As Human Pinkie licked the last of the pie juice from her forehooves, she listened as Pony Pinkie answered, “Actually, it’s kind of funny you should mention that. Actually, it’s very funny! He-he-he. Anyway, Rarity was soooo stressed that she started talking about how much she wished there was more than one of her.”

“And?” the reporter prodded. As soon as he said this, Human Pinkie straightened up, wanting to hear with absolute clarity what her counterpart said. This was very risky behavior, as she heard the distinct, static-esque sound of the Fourth Wall arriving at the booth, observing the situation. However, she knew that she wouldn’t be discovered, for the Audience’s view of her was blocked by an enormous stack of pancakes.

“Yeah…” Pony Pinkie muttered uneasily. “Making copies of yourself always sounds like a great idea, but, before you know it, you’re locked in a room with 50 Pinkie Pies watching paint dry.” Unfortunately, right after she said this, she proceeded to do the unthinkable; she gobbled up the top dozen or so pancakes that had been hiding Human Pinkie Pie! Startled, Pinkie couldn’t help but look in the direction of the Fourth Wall. Its appearance was indescribable – the closest approximation she could come up with was, perhaps, a TV screen with multicolor static buzzing across it – but that didn’t matter. She knew she had been caught; she could feel millions upon millions of eyes from the Audience watching her, contemplating what the appearance of a second Pinkie might mean.

The Fourth Wall blinked away, not to return until the Writers directed it to do so, but it was too late. The damage was done. The Audience had seen a member of the Order in action, and now there was no turning back. Even now, her head hurt as she tried to think of all of the things that the Rogue Writers were thinking of saying about her. Frustrated, she slumped across the table and said, in a deeper voice than she normally used to avoid attracting attention, “Check, please.”




It was the following night. The Mane Six had decided to hang out at Rarity 4 You one last time before heading back to Ponyville. Human Pinkie had decided to take this opportunity to talk to her counterpart, but not about what had happened the previous night. Rather, it was about another, equally important matter.

DJ PON-3 had taken her place at the DJ turntable. The party was in full swing, with platforms that held various dresses moving and twirling near the dance floor, raccoons serving fancy food, and preteen Plaid Stripes pushing her spoon-gloves. All of this was lost on Pinkie, however, as she hid behind the door that marked the entrance to the mares’ dressing rooms. She kept a careful eye on the customers, waiting for her counterpart to catch her eye.

Finally, she saw her. Pony Pinkie was busting a move on the dance floor, breakdancing on her tail in a way that nopony else could do. Human Pinkie waited until her counterpart was done before loudly whispering, “Psst! Psst!” Pony Pinkie looked up, wide-eyed and startled, as Human Pinkie gestured for her to come into the dressing room area. After a few seconds of mild confusion, Pony Pinkie shrugged, bounced onto all fours, and trotted to her counterpart.

Human Pinkie?” Pony Pinkie asked once they were alone and the door was closed. “What are you doing here? Our monthly meeting isn’t until next week!”

“I’m sorry, Pony Pinkie, but I’m here on a matter that just couldn’t wait,” Human Pinkie replied. “I trust you know by now that you are not, in fact, living in MLPFIM Prime?”

“Well, duh!” Pony Pinkie answered with a roll of her eyes. “Why else would those two new Princesses be here? There were only supposed to be five Princesses as of Flurry Heart’s birth. Now, we have seven!”

“And that’s exactly what I’m here to talk to you about,” Human Pinkie explained. “Pony Pinkie, have you noticed anything different about your life? Is anything not as it should be?”

“Hmm, no, not really,” Pony Pinkie muttered in reply, rubbing her chin. Then, after a second, she added, “Oh! Unless you count the fact that Princess Level and Princess Azalea were there when Twilight met Flurry Heart. And I also found out that they accompanied Spike to the Dragons Lands. And, then, when Trixie came to town-”

“Something else happened that involved Level, right?” Human Pinkie cut her counterpart off.

“Yeah,” Pony Pinkie answered, sounding slightly startled.

“Well, I think that your mistrust of her during ‘The Crystaling, Part One’ was well founded,” Human Pinkie summarized. Then, after quickly looking around to make sure that the Fourth Wall was not around and that nobody else was watching, she leaned in closer and whispered, “I think she may be the Mad One’s avatar.”

“WHAT?” Pony Pinkie blurted. “Are you sure?”

“Of course,” Human Pinkie replied. “Don’t you remember the prophecy?” She paused. The Prophecy of the Mad One was not to be taken lightly. It was said that even thinking about it was enough to draw the Mad One into the area, creating chaos and strife where none should be. But, knowing Level, she was likely to show up here regardless, if only to drag her would-be boyfriend onto the dance floor, and thus accidently bring the Mad One, anyway. So, after much consideration, Human Pinkie decided to refresh her counterpart’s memory:

A maiden with an arm of gold
Shall come forth and commit acts so bold
But beware, for in her bespectacled eyes
Lies a monster made up of malice and lies
On the day of hope, when all should rejoice
The wrong person shall make heard her voice
The Mad One shall then strike with fury quite bold
And make every world in existence grow cold


Pony Pinkie stared at Human Pinkie with wide eyes, clearly appalled that her counterpart would dare recite the Prophecy of the Mad One. Then, after a few seconds, Pony Pinkie snarled angrily and barked, “I knew there was something about her that I couldn’t trust!”

“I know, right?” Human Pinkie agreed. “And the worst part is that the other members of the Order don’t believe me. What, are they waiting for, some other maiden with an arm of gold to enter the scene? That’s crazy! Who but our Rogue Writer would come up with such a thing?”

“Totally!” Pony Pinkie concurred. “But what about the other one?”

“Azalea?” Human Pinkie guessed. “I'm not exactly sure what her deal is. But she, too, is a Self-Insert, so there’s no way she’s not gonna play a part in the Prophecy.”

“Makes sense,” Pony Pinkie reasoned. “Well, I’m gonna go hit the dance floor again before somepony starts looking for me. May the Writers grant you great fortunes.”

“May the Writers grant you great fortunes,” Human Pinkie returned the standard Order goodbye. As Pony Pinkie left, Human Pinkie added, “Oh, by the way, Optimus Prime says hi. Are you still on for dinner at his place on Wednesday?”

“Obviously,” Pony Pinkie replied before bouncing back out into the action.

As Human Pinkie watched the world beyond the door, filled with so many happy ponies partying hard and buying new clothes, her heart grew heavy. She could hardly bare to think that the Mad One would see this – all of this happiness and joy – and just ruin it, not only for Equestria, but for everyone else in the multiverse as well! Then again, why did Writers ever bring about apocalypses in the worlds they chose to manipulate? Human Pinkie was still questioning Suzanne Collins’s logic in turning her North America into Panem and allowing the resulting calamity to happen years after word of it had reached the Audience’s world.

“Ah, Writers,” Pinkie addressed all the Writers in the multiverse, “you really are a fickle bunch.” With that, she used a nearby cash register’s money drawer as a vessel to teleport back home, as only members of the Order could.
Most bronies saw "The Saddle Row Review" and thought that the second Pinkie was a runaway clone from the Mirror Pool. I am not most bronies. Now watch as we view the world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic through the eyes of a girl who knows that her life is not truly her own.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and Transformers belong to Hasbro. The Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins.

And before anyone asks, no, I do not watch Transformers. I only know the name Optimus Prime because I heard it in numerous transformers commercials while waiting for My Little Pony to come back on.
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EchoWing's avatar
...well this raises some interesting possibilities.