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Literature
Flutter Brutter: The Untold Story
“So I’ll take it you’ve heard by now that Level and I are together?” Tech asked Flash one day. It was a normal day in the Crystal Empire, which meant that there was nothing for Flash to do, which meant that he was talking to Tech even though he wasn’t supposed to be.
“Heck, yeah,” Flash replied. “It’s all over the Crystal Gazette. Apparently, you guys are the hottest couple in Equestria.”
“I know, right?” Tech replied. “You’d think ponies would have something a little better to do with their lives. I’d rather be alone with Level without the paparazzi breathing down my neck.”
“Careful, Tech,” Flash warned. “It’s that kind of comment that can get you in trouble with your superiors, and I speak from experience.”
“Big bro Shining Armor dish out some harsh scoldings back in the day?” Tech asked.
“You’d be surprised how much that guy likes to t
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Literature
Applejack's 'Day' Off: The Untold Story
Level sighed, pacing madly back and forth. Something was off; she couldn’t quite put her hoof on it. Nothing was going on and yet… she felt stressed. There was no other word for it. It was just a lot of unwarranted stress.
“C’mon, Level, think,” she urged herself. “You’ve had an unprecedented amount of free time since you came to Ponyville. You don’t have any reformed villains to recruit at the moment. Everything’s going right. Why are you stressed?” She sighed, sitting down in defeat. “Maybe it’s because everything’s going right,” she theorized. “I’m probably just used to waiting for something to go wrong so that I can slip away without Princess Celestia finding out. But that’s not a problem anymore, so I’m left with an empty void.”
“Why don’t you mix things up a little?” her counterpart suggested. “You’re
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Literature
The Saddle Row Review Short: The Prophecy
Location: Manehattan, Equestria
Dimension ID: MLPFIM42626
Episode: The Saddle Row Review
She sat patiently, waiting, waiting.
The 15th Avenue Pancake House. It was a lovely place to go get a meal. Even now, in the midst of what could easily turn into a crisis, ponies were streaming in and out, some just sitting down to order, others paying their tabs before departing. And, in the middle of it all, sat a Miss Pinkamina Diane Pie, a.k.a. Pinkie Pie. However, there was one thing about her that was extraordinary.
She was not from this world.
That’s right. This particular Pinkie Pie had left the relative safety of Canterlot High to do important business in this cozy little restaurant in Manehattan, Equestria. Her mission: to find out just how big an impact Level Up and Azalea Everstar were having on the Mane Six and their exploits. Oh, how she hated those two Self-Inserts. Everyone else in the Order thought that they were just normal OCs to be treated with the same respect as everyone
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Literature
A Hearth's Warming Tail: The Untold Story
Hearth’s Warming has always been Level’s favorite time of year. The presents, the carols, the decorations, the light snowfall: it all had a way of making her feel completely at peace. And, what’s more, this was the first Hearth’s Warming she would be spending in Ponyville. To commemorate the occasion, she had agreed to attend Twilight Sparkle’s Hearth’s Warming Eve party, where everypony who was anypony was gathered to celebrate the holidays. And, when everypony broke into one of her favorite Hearth’s Warming carols, she couldn’t resist joining in.
Ponies’ voices fill the night
(Hearth’s Warming Eve is here once again)
Happy hearts are full and bright
(Heart’s Warming Eve is here once again)
Oh, what a sight
Look at the light
All for tonight
(Hearth’s Warming
Eve is here once again)
Fluttershy: Clouds arranged so they’re just so
(Everpony: Hearth’s Warming Eve is here once again)
Rainbow: Gonna make
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Literature
Newbie Dash: The Untold Story
Trouble was brewing. Azalea could see it in her dreams. Literally.
She was fast asleep in her bedroom in the Crystal Empire. Normally, her dreams were relatively peaceful, but now she was certain she was receiving an Alicorn vision in her sleep. The vision was of none other than Rainbow Dash. At first, things looked okay. In fact, they were better than okay: Rainbow Dash had finally become a Wonderbolt! But then, slowly but surely, Rainbow began to break down. As Azalea watched, she was certain she could hear Rainbow’s thoughts on the matter.
“The Wonderbolts think I’m not good enough!”
“Everything I try always fails!”
“I swear, these ponies are mocking me!”
“Why can’t they see how awesome I am?”
“Why do I have to walk around with this stupid label?”
“Will I be called ‘Rainbow Crash’ for the rest of my life?”

Before Azalea could figure out what exactly was going on, she was show
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Literature
No Second Prances: The Untold Story
Once again, it was a pleasant, peaceful morning in Ponyville. Level, having just finished her breakfast, was idly scanning the paper, trying to find any interesting news. So far, though, she wasn’t having a whole lot of luck. At this point, she was just doing it so that she could throw out most of the paper and keep the Comics section.
“Let’s see,” Level muttered, levitating the paper in front of her face. “There’s a sale on horseshoes, but I don’t wear them. Our hoofball league won another game; who cares? Oh, a coupon!” Using her magic, she quickly snipped out a coupon for her favorite kind of chocolate candies… and immediately, her attention was pulled to the story on the next page as a single word became visible.
“Trixie?” Level asked herself. She turned the page and, sure enough, the story was about none other than Trixie Lulamoon herself. Level could still recall the day when Golden persuaded Trixie to perform in P
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Literature
Gauntlet of Fire: The Untold Story
It was a peaceful day in Ponyville. A Royal Lunch was being held in Princess Twilight’s castle, and Celestia, Luna, Level, and Azalea all showed up. “I’m so glad you four could come,” Twilight said.
“Of course,” Luna agreed. “We so rarely get a chance to relax and just visit.”
“There’s usually some crisis we have to deal with,” Celestia explained. “Somepony always needs our help.”
“Amen to that,” Level muttered with a playful roll of her eyes.
“Agreed,” Azalea concurred. “But today-”
Their talk was interrupted by a scream of distress. The doors to the dining room burst open, revealing a grungy-looking, fresh-from-a-gem-mine Rarity and… hold on a minute… was that what Azalea thought it was? Rarity was quite clearly carrying Spike on her back, but… it looked almost like he was… well…
“Twilight!” Rarity shrieked, panicked. “There
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Literature
On Your Marks: The Untold Story
It was late at night in the Crystal Empire. Flash Sentry was sound asleep in the barracks. Ever since the baby’s magic had been dampened to a reasonable level, her cries could not be heard throughout the castle anymore, making it easy for Flash to sleep. And, every single night on the bunk bed right above Smash’s, that’s just what he did.
Tonight, however, was different. Usually, his dreams were either pleasant or nonexistent, but something was clearly wrong this time around. Strange images that he didn’t understand kept flashing in his mind. They mainly featured a single filly: Applejack’s younger sister, Apple Bloom. The mental images featured her having a mental and emotional breakdown. He wasn’t certain, but he could have sworn he heard her thoughts:
“My friends don’t like me anymore!”
“Nopony cares about me!”
“I can’t find anything to do!”
“Nothing I try ever works for me!”
“Ho
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Literature
The Gift of Maud Pie: The Untold Story
Level sat in her living room, levitating a checklist. On it were the names of every reformed villain she had ever heard of. “Let’s see,” she muttered, tapping her feathered quill against her chin. “I already got Starlight, Flash, Luna and, of course, Azalea to be part of the Royal Society of the Reformed,” she checked off each name as she said them. “Let’s see, that leaves me with Discord, Trixie, Babs Seed, Gilda, Rarity, Spike, Sassy Saddles, Diamond Tiara, Siver Spoon… I suppose, to a lesser extent, I could also throw in Moon Dancer, Sunburst, and Princess Celestia… Every other reformed villain that I know of lives in the human world, and it’s probably best if I see if I can get this to work with ponies before I try it with humans.”
“Hey!” Human Level’s voice protested in her head, clearly not liking the implications.
“Sorry,” Pony Level thought back. Then she continued, alo
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Literature
The Crystaling: The Untold Story (Part 2)
Previously on The Untold Story…

Azalea: “So, Flash! This is turning out to be a rough night, huh?”
Cadence: “You see, Azalea, something you’ll no doubt learn when you’re older is that parenthood is like a daring quest.”
Level: “Azalea!”
Twilight: “The baby is an Alicorn?”
Azalea: “Sunburst? I gotta go.”
Azalea: “Starlight Glimmer, you are in for such a big disappointment.”
Level: “I’m never having foals.”
Twilight: “Without the Heart, the Crystal Empire’s about to buried under a mountain of ice and snow!”
Level: “Not good.”
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
(SKRRRT!)
So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent
And now it’s time to build
From the bottom of the pit
Right to the top
Don’t hold back
Packing my bags and
Giving the academy a rain check
I don’t ever wanna let you down
I don’t ever wanna
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Literature
The Crystaling: The Untold Story (Part 1)
Cadence’s screams echoed through the castle.
She had been in labor for more than 15 hours now. At first, it hadn’t affected anypony but her, but soon her screams grew so loud that Azalea wouldn’t be surprised if the Royal Family got a letter from Yakyakistan asking them to please quiet down. For a while, Azalea had worried about Cadence. Now, though she was still concerned about her adopted cousin, she was mostly irked that she had to hear the screaming at all.
It got worse: it was late at night, and Azalea had an impossible time going to sleep. All day long, she had had to listen to the screams grow louder and louder as the hours ticked by, making it hard to read, eat, or do much of anything else. Now, as the grating noise cut through her attempts to sleep, she somehow knew that the peace that accompanied Luna’s night would never find her. Eventually, at around 1am, she gave an angry groan, gave up, and rose out of bed. This was simply too much to take.
Azalea
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Literature
My Little Pony: The Physics of Magic
Do you watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? If so, then you’re probably aware that magic is an important factor in Equestrian life. Ponies use magic everyday, be it a unicorn casting spells, a pegasus taking flight, or an Earth Pony plowing a field. But no one really knows how the magic in the show works. In-show explanations are often insufficient and/or contradictory, with not enough clues to complete the whole picture. However, modern physics gives us a way to answer all of our questions. So, today, I shall be answering three questions about magic: what is it, where did it come from, and how does it work.
First off, just what is magic? This is generally a very hard question to answer in any fictional franchise that involves magic, but My Little Pony, thankfully, makes it easy. In Equestria Girls: Friendship Games, the third movie of a spin-off franchise called Equestria Girls, we are given perhaps the most important clue we have as to m
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Literature
Friendship Games: The Untold Story (Epilogue)
It was the next morning at Canterlot High. It was Saturday, so there wasn’t any school today, but that didn’t stop Level from just swinging by the school so that she could enjoy the tranquil scenery while she did her homework. It was odd, but she liked how quiet and empty this place was on weekends, plus it gave her a chance to get some fresh air.
Level was not the only one there. Over by the Wondercolts statue, right in front of the now-working portal (she’d touched it yesterday and found that the magic was back) the Rainbooms were having a picnic with Twilight Sparkle. Level looked up from her pre-calculus textbook and smiled at the scene before her. Sunset and Applejack were leaning against the statue, eating and drinking without a care in the world. Fluttershy was tickling Spike’s tummy while Twilight watched lovingly. Rarity was trying to braid Rainbow’s hair, much to Rainbow’s annoyance. And Pinkie was lounging on top of the statue, righ
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Literature
Cutie Re-Marked: The Untold Story (Epilogue)
It was morning by the time the train arrived.
Azalea had caught the Friendship Express leaving Canterlot just as the sun was going down. Unable to sleep, she had spent most of the night staring out the window. She was so overwhelmed, she could barely even think. Canterlot Castle had been her home for over 1,000 years, ever since the Castle of the Two Sisters was destroyed in the battle of Celestia vs. Nightmare Moon. Now, she was leaving it behind to start a new life.
Just as the train was pulling into the station, Azalea heard a voice that said, “Morning, Azalea. How are you doing?”
Azalea smiled. She knew that voice anywhere. “I’m doing well, thanks,” she thought back to her Human counterpart. “So, are you doing the thing?”
“Yep,” Human Azalea answered. “I’m reading up on Crystal Prep as we speak. With any luck, I’ll be just as good in my classes over there as I was at Canterlot Hig
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Literature
Friendship Games: The Untold Story (Chapter 40)
The school day was technically over, but all of the students from both schools, excited and relieved that things had turned out so well, had chosen to stay in the CHS courtyard for a little while and talk. For the first time in living memory, Wondercolts and Shadowbolts were interacting peacefully, without even the slightest thought of competition in their minds. As for Flash, he was admiring the shiny gold medal that he had won. To him, it no longer even mattered that he’d been given the axe in the second round: he was still a star. His mom would be so proud.
“He’s seen too much, Azalea,” Level’s whispered voice entered his ear. “We have to tell him.”
“But are you sure it’s a good idea?” Azalea asked. “We don’t even know if his human brain could even handle the information. He’s a human. From what I heard, he was barely able to handle the knowledge that he and Twilight couldn’t get together.
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Literature
Cutie Re-Marked: The Untold Story (Chapter 40)
“I wanted to tell you the truth about who I was. I really did,” Azalea said to Level as they walked down the hallway back in Canterlot Castle. “But Princess Celestia forbade it. She claimed that, because you wouldn’t be able to understand it, your already crazy magic would get even worse.”
“I understand,” Level sighed. “And I could see why she might think that. But did you have to go full-on evil when things got bad? I mean, I can understand wanting to turn to the dark side, but I would’ve thought-”
“That I would’ve had more control of myself?” Azalea cut her off. “Don’t be so sure. I may be over 1,000 years old, Level Up, but I’m still a filly, and feeling abandoned and unloved from the tender age of 500 just isn’t good for a growing Alicorn.”
“I would imagine not,” Level replied. “It’s just…” She trailed off, unsure of what she was abo
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Literature
GerIta: Heartbeat
Germany got into bed and was just about to fall asleep when a familiar warmth filled up the bed next to him.  He flipped onto his other side and, not surprisingly, found Italy laying next him.  He watched as Italy performed his nightly ritual of starting on his right side, then changing to the left, then laying on his stomach, then his back, then finally deciding that the best place to sleep was snuggled up next to Germany with his head buried in Germany's chest.  Germany naturally rested his arm across Italy's back and started to fall back asleep, until Italy spoke up.
"Vee~ Germany?"
"Hm?" he grunted slightly annoyed.
"Why does your heart sound just like you?"
"…What on earth does that mean Italy?" He asked slightly curious now.
"It's strong and loud and steady, just like you!  Why does it sound like that?"
Trying to think of a good answer so he could get back to sleep he said, "Well, it's my heart right?  Why wouldn't it sound l
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Journal
Because They Could Not Stop for Death...
Because they could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for them
He offered a chance to strip the trance
And view oblivion
He came upon the coward first
A redhead, dressed in blue
The frightened man waved his white flag
For what else could he do?
The Reaper showed him all there was
All the coward's fears
Earthquakes, plague, war and death
The coward broke in tears
The next one was the soldier
Of green and blue and blonde
The Reaper asked if he would look
Upon infinity and beyond
The soldier heard the coward's cries
And ran straight to his side
For he knew all there was to know
Of war, of death, and genocide
A stoic came upon the scene
His eyes and hair were black
He saw the shinigami then
And tried to fight it back
But the stoic was not perfect
His past was filled with blood
The Reaper tore down all his walls
And left him in the mud
It was then a hero arrived
He could not talk - just shout
At his arrogance, the Reaper struck
And began to call him out
The hero fell down to his knees
His
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Double Rainbow :iconbluekoinu:bluekoinu 206 35 Mail Order Bride? :iconhikari-kaitou:Hikari-Kaitou 511 77 APH: Little Italy :iconravenwolf-1827:RavenWolf-1827 2,455 413 MLP Justice League :iconjucamovi1992:jucamovi1992 256 32 Ho Ho Whoa :iconblueserenity:BlueSerenity 600 112 Sketch Dump 18: Bromantic :iconflight-of-the-moon:Flight-of-the-Moon 53 16 Christmas Morning :iconhotrod2001:hotrod2001 532 144 Poppy x Branch :iconvmcreations02:VMCreations02 100 11

Journal History

Activity


“So I’ll take it you’ve heard by now that Level and I are together?” Tech asked Flash one day. It was a normal day in the Crystal Empire, which meant that there was nothing for Flash to do, which meant that he was talking to Tech even though he wasn’t supposed to be.

“Heck, yeah,” Flash replied. “It’s all over the Crystal Gazette. Apparently, you guys are the hottest couple in Equestria.”

“I know, right?” Tech replied. “You’d think ponies would have something a little better to do with their lives. I’d rather be alone with Level without the paparazzi breathing down my neck.”

“Careful, Tech,” Flash warned. “It’s that kind of comment that can get you in trouble with your superiors, and I speak from experience.”

“Big bro Shining Armor dish out some harsh scoldings back in the day?” Tech asked.

“You’d be surprised how much that guy likes to talk about all the things I get wrong,” Flash replied. Tech laughed, and the sheer absurdity of the conversation made Flash laugh, too. Now that Tech was in a relationship with a Princess, things were getting pretty interesting around here.

“Flash Sentry? Tech Savvy?” Princess Cadence’s voice came from around the corner. Panicked and alarmed at the prospect of being caught, Flash promptly snapped to attention, with his legs straight, head up, and eyes forward. Tech did the same, although Flash thought he saw him cross his eyes, stick out his tongue, and smile a goofy smile. A few seconds later, Princess Cadence rounded the corner and came towards them. As usual, she carried Flurry Heart in her foreleg.

“There you two are,” Princess Cadence said when she saw them. “Once again, the two of you have received a summons from Princess Level Up.”

“Really?” Flash asked, as the summons were usually for Tech these days. “What for?”

“Well, apparently, there’s a pony in town who Level believes qualifies to be a member of the Royal Society of the Reformed,” Cadence explained. “But she can’t recruit this pony herself because she’s not feeling well. So she has asked you to do it in her stead. She will give you the details at her house.”

“Understood,” Flash said. “We will leave at once.” He marched away in a dignified manner, followed closely by Tech.

“Oh, and Flash Sentry?” Cadence called back over her shoulder.

“Yes?” Flash asked.

“Try not to let my husband catch you while you two are having your little talks,” Cadence said simply. Flash just stood there, his face completely blank, as Cadence walked away and disappeared.

“Huh,” Tech muttered. “What do you know? She actually knew we were doing that. How long do you think she’s known?”

Flash decided not to answer, instead saying, “Let’s go,” and walking in the general direction of the exit.




My Little Pony, My Little Pony

(SKRRRT!)

So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent
And now it’s time to build
From the bottom of the pit
Right to the top

Don’t hold back
Packing my bags and
Giving the academy a rain check

I don’t ever wanna let you down
I don’t ever wanna leave this town
‘Cause after all
The city never sleeps at night

It’s time to begin isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger
But then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was

Now don’t you understand
That I’m never changing who I am


My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: The Untold Story

By Princess-Level-Up

Original Series Developed for Television By
Lauren Faust

Flutter Brutter




It wasn’t long before the two young stallions arrived in Ponyville. As they walked down the dirt road that led to Level’s house, Flash asked, “So how exactly did the two of you get together?”

“Well, funny story,” Tech replied with an edge of nervousness. “I had gone to the spa for a mud bath and discovered that the air conditioner had been stuck on overdrive all day. So I decided to fix it when…”

Flash, noticing that Tech had trailed off, asked, “When what?” Then he noticed that Tech had stopped completely and was staring at something with his eyes wide. Flash turned to look, too… and his heart skipped a beat. They had arrived at Level’s address, but it was completely surrounded by a pink, bubble-shaped force field. Looking up, Flash saw that it stretched about twenty feet into the sky, but birds and pegasi were able to fly through it, no problem.

“Ooooh-kay,” Flash muttered, sticking his forehoof through the force field with no resistance at all. “Either Level knows something we don’t, or she’s suffering from a fever so high that her judgment is skewed.”

“You’re telling me,” Tech replied, stepping straight through the barrier. “At least it’s not keeping us out.” Flash stepped through and followed Tech to Level’s cottage, which was rather humble considering it housed a Princess.

Flash knocked on the door. He and Tech waited for a while afterwards, listening as Level stumbled down a flight of stairs and staggered to the door. Flash eyed the door handle, fully expecting it to glow with a pink aura as Level opened it from the other side. Instead, the door opened without any aura involved, indicating that Level had used her claw.

“Princess Level,” Flash addressed her, “we are here at the request of the summons you sent u - Oh, boy!” He paused, looking Level up and down, before saying, “Wow. You don’t look so good.” That was an understatement; Level looked horrible! Her face looked yellow, her eyes were bloodshot and baggy, her fur and mane were matted, and her muzzle was bright red. Her horn sputtered and threw random sparks that didn’t seem to be connected to any sort of spell. Her wings were matted and rumpled, with feathers sticking out at odd angles. And the whole look was topped off with a fuzzy pink bathrobe, purple slippers on each of her hooves, and a pink sock of some sort over her claw.

“Yeah, I know,” Level grumbled, her stuffed-up muzzle affecting her voice. “It’s nothing much: just magic flu. You can’t catch it.”

“Magic flu?” Flash asked. Level opened her mouth to answer but, instead, she started to sneeze.

“Aaah-CHOO!” she sneezed into her wing. Almost instantly, an errant burst of magic shot out of her horn and flew right past Flash and Tech! He thought it was going to fly away and hit some random pony but, to his surprise, it bounced right off of the force field that had seemed so useless before. The shot bounced around in the dome, ricocheting off of the sides of the field and forcing Flash and Tech to dodge it. Finally, it struck the chimney, turning it into a burrito.

“Okay,” Flash muttered. “Magic flu.”

“Yeah,” Level grumbled, not even noticing that her burrito-chimney was sagging and spilling beans onto her lawn. “It’s a pain in the neck.” She sniffled, and Flash couldn’t help but cringe in anticipation of another burst of insanity, but it never came. “Anyway,” Level said, “I called you here to help me recruit a visiting pony to the Royal Society of the Reformed.”

“I know,” Flash replied. “Princess Cadence told us.”

“Of course she did,” Level muttered. “Anyway, the pony I want onboard is named Zephyr Breeze. He’s a tall, lanky pegasus with green fur, an elaborately-styled mane, and a 5 o’clock shadow. You can’t miss him.”

“Cutie Mark?” Flash asked, as was standard procedure for receiving missions to track down ponies.

“An orange quill writing deep green, curved lines across his flank,” Level replied.

“Last known sighting?” Flash added. Again, this was standard procedure.

“Well, I know he’s staying at Fluttershy’s cottage,” Level explained. “He’s her little brother, after all.”

“Got it,” Flash replied. “Thanks. Come on, Tech.”

Tech, who hadn’t said a word this whole time, finally spoke up with, “Actually, I think it’s best if I sit this one out.”

“What?” Flash asked. “Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Tech pressed. “My girlfriend is sick. As her boyfriend, it’s my job to stay here and take care of her.” As he said this, he walked to Level’s side and draped a wing over her body.

Flash fully expected Level to order Tech to do as he was told. Instead, she blushed and cooed, “Oh, Tech. That’s so sweet. Okay. You have my permission to stay here and take care of me.”

“Cool,” Tech said. Then, without even the slightest hint of a warning, he slammed the door shut. Flash blinked, taking a second to process what had just happened.

“I guess I’m on my own,” Flash muttered, walking away.




Flash wandered around town for a while. He knew he should head to Fluttershy’s cottage, but he was too afraid. He just knew that Fluttershy hadn’t forgiven him for the way he’d acted after Twilight broke up with him. And if there was one thing that Fluttershy wasn’t shy about, it was letting ponies know that they had done something wrong. And Flash didn’t want to be on the receiving end of that.

Before long, he managed to find himself in front of Bugles and Beyond, the music shop that Crash worked at. As he still had no idea how to handle his current mission, he decided to duck inside to take a quick breather. The place looked the same as he remembered; blue walls and carpets, instruments of all kinds for sale everywhere, a single cash register right by the door. And, right there, manning the cash register, was Crash Boom Bang.

“Welcome to – Hey, buddy!” Crash welcomed Flash enthusiastically. “What brings you here today?”

“Hey, Crash,” Flash greeted Crash back. “Princess Level called me here on official royal business but,” he hung his low, pausing for a second to find the right words, “I’m not sure I can do it.”

“Why not?” Crash prodded.

“Well,” Flash admitted, “it involves going over to Fluttershy’s cottage. I can’t go to Fluttershy’s cottage! She’s probably still mad at me for relentlessly pursuing her friend for two years!”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Crash tried to reassure him. Not a bad attempt, but Flash knew better.

“Oh, it is that bad,” Flash promised. “I met up with Rainbow Dash recently and, if the way she treated me is any indication-”

“Oh, gotcha,” Crash said, seeming to get it. “I guess it’s true; Tartarus hath no furry like a mare scorned.”

“Except that she wasn’t the one who was scorned,” Flash pointed out. “I was scorned and couldn’t accept it, and now all of her friends hate me for it. So, really, Tartarus hath no furry like… well, anypony vengeful, really.”

“Sounds tough,” Crash muttered. “How ‘bout if I go with you?”

Flash blinked. “What?”

“Think about it,” Crash persuaded. “You’re scared of facing Fluttershy, right? Well, if I come along, you’ll have backup. Maybe she’ll be less likely to be angry if there are two ponies there instead of just one.”

“Um, I dunno,” Flash mumbled nervously. “The last time I spoke with one of Twilight’s friends, Princess Azalea was with me. That didn’t really help me, and Azalea’s a Princess!”

Crash, however, was not deterred by this. Instead, he pushed his offer with, “We can hit Hayburger afterwards.”

“Deal,” Flash agreed. “So, here’s the scoop…”




By the time Flash was done explaining, he and Crash were already walking up the path to Fluttershy’s cottage.

“So, Zephyr Breeze, huh?” Crash asked.

“Yeah,” Flash replied. “I’ve never heard of him before but, if Level wants him on the team, it must be for a good reason.”

“Actually, I think I’ve met him before,” Crash said. “You said he was a tall pegasus with a 5 o’clock shadow, right?”

“Yeah,” Flash answered, a little surprised. “You’ve really met him? What’s he like?”

“Well,” Crash explained, “He walked into my store wanting to buy a guitar, and-” But he was cut off as Fluttershy opened the door, right before Flash was about to knock.

“Hello,” Flash addressed her. “I’m here to speak to-” But before he could finished, she slammed the door in his face!

Crash sat on his haunches, crossed his forelegs across his chest, and muttered, “Well, that was rude.”

“Yeah, but bear in mind that I relentlessly pursued her friend for a long time after the breakup,” Flash pointed out. He knocked on the door, wanting to try again.

“Go away,” Fluttershy firmly told him from the other side.

“I’m not here to talk to you, Fluttershy,” Flash explained through the door. “I’m here to speak with-”

“Whoever it is, no,” Fluttershy insisted. “Neither I nor any of my animals can deal with you today.”

“I’m not here for your animals, either,” Flash persuaded. “I’m here to speak with your brother, Zephyr Breeze.”

There was a few seconds of silence, during which Flash wondered if he really should have addressed Fluttershy’s brother by name. After all, Fluttershy already thought of him as a creepy stalker; he didn’t want to make it any worse. As if to prove his point, Fluttershy cracked the door open just a tad, revealing a steely glare on her normally tender face, and growled, “How did you know he was here?”

Flash, feeling very nervous all of a sudden, managed to choke out, “Well, Princess Level told me he was going to be here. You see, she wants me to-”

“He-llooooooo, houseguests!” another pony rudely cut Flash off. Shoving Fluttershy out of the way, he swung the door all the way open, revealing himself to be a green-furred, tall, lanky pegasus with an elaborate manecut and a 5 o’clock shadow. Instantly, Flash knew that this was none other than Zephyr Breeze. He also knew that Zephyr’s social skills needed some serious work since, without even batting an eyelash, he leaned in closer and gawked, “Ooh! A royal guard! What’s the occasion?”

You’re the occasion, actually,” Flash explained. “You see, Princess Level-”

“Oh, that new Princess,” Zephyr interrupted. “Yeah, I’d say she’s not quite my favorite Princess, but she is new. If she’s asking me to take a job, tell her I’ll consider it, but only if it befits my awesomeness.”

Flash didn’t know what to say. Being a member of the Royal Society of the Reformed wasn’t a job, per say, but it still had obligations. “Well-” Flash tried to say.

“Okay, it’s settled,” Zephyr declared. “Put me down to meet up with her next week. In the meantime, this Breeze needs his Z’s.”

“In the middle of day?” Flash asked, unable to even pretend to be courteous anymore.

“It’s called a siesta,” Zephyr clarified. “It’s really relaxing. You should try it sometime. Well, goodbye.” With that, Zephyr strolled back into the house, leaving the door wide open. Fluttershy was still standing there, raising an annoyed eyebrow at her brother. Flash got the impression that this sort of thing had happened before.

“You deal with this often?” Flash dared to ask.

“That’s for me to know and you to never find out,” Fluttershy replied. “I’ve already got the job thing covered but, if that was actually why you were here, tell Princess Level that we’ll considered her offer.”

Flash, unsure of what else to do at this point, simply responded, “Okay.”

“Good,” Fluttershy asserted with a single nod. “Goodbye.” Then she slammed the door again.

Crash, who had just been silent this whole time, finally said, “Well, I was gonna say that Zephyr strolled into the store, acted like he owned the place, and messed everything up before finally making off with the only guitar he could afford, but I don’t think you’d find that intel very helpful at this point.” Flash’s eye twitched. Clearly, Zephyr thought that he was some kind of hotshot who thought that the whole entire world should be given to him on a silver platter. Which begged the obvious question: why did Level want him?




“And that’s pretty much what happened,” Flash finished his report. He had stopped back at Level’s house to tell her what he’d seen. Level lounged on the couch, still sick as a dog, and nodded her head thoughtfully. Occasionally, she coughed, producing a spark of magic that forced Flash to dodge in order to avoid getting turned into a grease pan or a gerbil or whatever.

“I see,” Level muttered, sniffling. “Sounds like a real pain.”

“I know,” Flash agreed. “Why do you want this guy? He seems like the antithesis of all that we represent.”

“Well, if all goes as planned, it won’t stay that way,” Level vaguely answered. “You said Fluttershy would consider the alleged ‘job offer’, right?”

“Yes,” Flash responded. “But what do we do about that? You never said anything about hiring him.”

“Well, I am now,” Level replied stubbornly. “Starting tomorrow, I want you to stand watch outside the force field. If Zephyr comes by, let me know.”

Flash nodded and replied, “Okay, sounds like a good plan.” Then, realizing something, he added, “But I can’t stand there all day. Normally, there is a second set of guards that switches places with the first at certain points throughout the day.”

Level’s eyes grew wide; clearly, she hadn’t thought of that. She rubbed her chin thoughtfully, though Flash wondered if any idea she could come up with in her current state could possibly be a good one. Before long, Tech walked into the room, a cup of tea balanced on one of his wings, and said, “Your tea, Level.”

“Thanks, Tech,” she muttered, picking the tea up with her claw and taking a sip. Then, without any warning at all, she added, “Also, congratulations. You’re a guard now. You start tomorrow.”

“Whoa, whoa, what?” Tech asked. “Isn’t there, like, training involved or something?”

“Not for tomorrow’s assignment, there isn’t,” Level answered, plain and simple. “You just have to stand outside for a certain amount of time and let me know if a tall, lanky pegasus with an elaborate manecut wants to come in.”

“Yeah, but-” Tech tried to contradict.

“No buts,” Level cut him off. “Flash, you’re dismissed.”

“Thank you, Level,” Flash replied, giving a formal bow. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” With that, he walked out of the house. He found that Crash was still waiting outside the force field, too scared of Level’s disease to cross through.

“Well?” Crash asked.

“Apparently, I’m on the clock tomorrow,” Flash explained. “In the meantime, you wanna go hit Hayburger?”

“Sure.”




The next day…

This was easily the most stressful day Flash had experienced since joining the Royal Guard.

It wasn’t that anything was happening; in fact, it was because nothing was happening. As he stood outside the force field, he prayed to the heavens above for something, anything, to happen. It didn’t matter what happened; it could’ve been anything from a bank robbery to a changeling swarm, and he would have dealt with it happily. But no. Instead, he was stuck outside the force field, waiting for the world’s most annoying pegasus to show up.

Tech walked out of the house, waiting to switch places with Flash, but that wasn’t due for another fifteen minutes. “So,” Tech said nonchalantly, “is this what it’s like to be a Royal Guard? Just waiting around for something to happen? If so, I don’t think I can handle it.”

“We’re guards,” Flash informed Tech. “We don't have a choice. Also, we don’t talk.”

“Why not?” Tech asked. “It’s not like Shining Armor can catch us here.”

“No, but Level can,” Flash explained. “And, in her current state, I really don’t wanna give her something to be mad about.”

“True,” Tech replied. After a few more seconds, he asked, “So, do you really think you can break through to this Zephyr guy? Level told me what you told her, and I don’t think it’s gonna happen.”

“Well, ponies used to say that I was a lost cause, so I’m not willing to completely give up on the guy just yet,” Flash reasoned. “Still, it would take nothing short of a miracle to get him to not be annoying.”

As soon as Flash was done saying this, two familiar pegasi came into view. “Oh, c’mon, sis,” the taller one whined. “I had to ask Spike to make sure I was doing it right.”

“Speak of the devil,” Flash whispered, recognizing Zephyr’s voice.

To Flash’s surprise, Fluttershy whipped around and snapped, “You didn’t do it at all!” She turned around and made like she was getting ready to scream, but took a deep breath instead. “Well, there’s always Level Up’s offer, and I don’t think she’s going to let you fool around.”

“What?” Zephyr blurted out. “But that wasn’t supposed to be until next week!”

“No, you said it wasn’t supposed to be until next week,” Fluttershy clarified. “I told the annoying guard that we would consider the Princess’s offer, and we’re running low on options.” Then noticing the cottage that was covered by a force field and guarded by Flash, Fluttershy reasoned, “Well, this must be the place.”

“That’s right,” Tech confirmed. “Princess Level’s expecting you. I’ll go tell her you’re here.” With that, he disappeared into the house, leaving Flash alone with Fluttershy and Zephyr.

Flash just stayed silent for a long time, blinking his eyes. Like a good guard, he maintained a silent, stoic façade, masking his fear of Fluttershy behind a firm mask of confidence. This would have been easy if Zephyr weren’t nudging him in the shoulder, asking, “Well, this guy’s boring, isn’t he?”

“Zephyr,” Fluttershy hissed. “It’s part of his job to be boring.” She then dropped her voice even lower than it normally went and grumbled, “That’s probably why Twilight broke up with him, but he didn’t see that.”

Flash’s eye twitched. He wished he could respond by telling Fluttershy that he had changed, but his training prevented it. Instead, he simply stood there as Zephyr replied, “Oooohhh. This is the guy that Mom and Dad told me you complained to them about.” He grabbed Flash’s face, yanked it up to meet his own, and added, “He doesn’t look like such a bad guy. He just kept trying to fish in the wrong part of the sea.”

“Yes,” Fluttershy agreed. “And that’s why I don't like him.”

The door opened, ending Flash’s torment. Level stepped out, with Tech right behind her, prompting a startled look from Fluttershy. “Princess Level?” Fluttershy asked, obviously not believing what she was seeing.

Zephyr gasped – though it was obviously exaggerated – and screamed, “Oh, dear! Look at the Princess! She’s caught a cold! And if I work for her, I’ll catch a cold!” He grabbed Fluttershy’s face, forced her eyes to meet his, and asked, “You don’t want me to get sick, do you?”

“Well, no, but-” Fluttershy started to respond.

“Relax. It’s not a cold,” Level explained, staying behind the barrier. “It’s magic flu. And you have to have a horn to catch it,” she pointed to her own, “so you’re immune.”

Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief before turning to her brother and snarkily saying, “See, Zephyr? Nothing bad is going to happen if you start working for her today. You won’t get sick, and you’ll be able to do some nice. Hard. Work.”

Zephyr gulped. Everypony ignored this. Level nodded and agreed, “That’s right. And I have the perfect job in mind for him.” She managed to use her ill magic to summon…

“A toilet brush?” Zephyr asked, taking it in his hoof. He looked up at Level, his eyes slowly widening with horror, and said, “No. No! You can’t seriously mean-”

“I do,” Level cut him off. She turned to Tech and instructed, “Tech, lead him to the upstairs bathroom. Stand guard outside and make sure he doesn’t escape. I’ll check up on him in an hour.” She turned back to Zephyr and clarified, in no uncertain terms, “And that toilet had better be completely clean when I get up there!”

“Ah! Okay, okay,” Zephyr muttered. “Geez! Some ponies just don't know how to be subtle.”

“Come on, Breeze,” Tech prompted. Zephyr walked into the house, with Tech following with the same professional walk that all members of the Royal Guard used.

As soon as they were gone, Flash asked, “What about me?”

“You’re dismissed for the time being,” Level replied. But, as she coughed into her wing again, Flash felt bad for her. She was sick; he couldn’t just leave her to fend for herself while her boyfriend stood guard outside the bathroom. That would be wrong!

“How about I just take care of you, instead?” Flash offered. “Just until Tech is done guarding Zephyr.”

“N-” Level started to answer, but she was interrupted by a heavy coughing fit. As she hacked, several bursts of magic shot from her horn and bounced all around the inside of the force field, hitting various objects and turning them all into something else entirely. And Flash could only watch as a pebble turned into a mouse, a patch of grass turned into a patch of cheese, and one of the windows turned into sheet of fudge. Seeing all of this, Level sighed and grumbled, “Okay, fine, but only because I don’t want to burn the house down. You can start by fixing my lunch.”

Flash looked up at the sun, which told him that it was about 1:30 in the afternoon, and muttered, “But it’s not lunchtime.”

“It is if you’re diabetic,” Level said simply. Flash, knowing that Level knew her own condition better than he did, simply stepped through the barrier and followed her into the house.




An hour later, Level walked upstairs to check on Zephyr. Flash followed, curious to see how the new guy had done. “So, do you think he actually did it?” Flash pondered. “He didn’t seem all that work-oriented to me.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Level replied with a sniffle. “There’s no way that Tech let Zephyr get out of it.”

Before Flash could reply, both he and Level heard Zephyr’s voice say, “Yep. He really cracks the whip.” They both yelped and looked up to find that Zephyr, not Tech, was standing outside the bathroom.

Level furrowed her brow and asked, “What are you doing out here?”

“Standing guard,” Zephyr replied simply, arousing Flash’s suspicions.

“But… That’s not your job,” Flash pointed out. “It’s Tech’s job.”

“Not anymore,” Zephyr said coolly. “Take a look.” He opened the door, and Flash was horrified to find that Tech was standing on his rear legs, scrubbing the living daylights out of the toilet.

“Tech!” Level snapped, prompting a startled Tech to cringe and look at her. “What the heck are you doing? You were supposed to make sure that Zephyr didn’t leave!”

Regaining his composure, Tech explained, “Well, technically speaking, he didn’t leave. About five minutes in, he told me about how he always wanted to be a Royal Guard. I didn’t want to crush his dreams by forcing him to scrub toilets instead, so I decided to switch places with him. So he spent the hour standing guard, and I spent the hour… scrubbing… the… toilet…” He faltered, looking down at the toilet brush in his hooves, as if he had just realized what I was doing. Suddenly, he snapped, “Hey, wait a minute! I’m doing you’re job!”

Level, her eyes filled with the anger of a thousand hornets, whipped around to face Zephyr and shouted, “Zephyr Breeze! I can’t believe this! I had one job for you, and you blew it off and spent the hour standing around and doing nothing! You’re fired!” Calming down somewhat, she added, “Your sister is waiting outside the force field. She’s told me that she made other arrangements for your job. Now, go on! Git!”

Zephyr hung his head low and began to walk away. Then, at the top of the stairs, he turned around and pointed out, “You know, I did make a pretty good guard. Tech didn’t try to escape once.”

“Out!” Level snapped.

As Zephyr continued to walk away, Flash asked, “So… I guess this is it? We couldn’t get to him?”

“No,” Level denied. “I’m not ready to give up on him. Sure, he’s a pretty bad worker, but that can change. I want you to follow him to whatever his next job is and see if you can make an impression.”

It was an odd request, but Flash saluted her and said, “Yes, your Majesty.”

“What about me?” Tech asked.

Level turned to him and answered, “You are the worst Royal Guard I have ever seen in my life. I’m demoting you back to Royal Photographer. Now wash your forehooves.” Tech walked over to the sink and did as she asked, but he only scrubbed his forehooves for a measly two seconds before turning off the water. “Longer!” Level snapped.

Flash decided to back away slowly and proceed with his assignment.




With the help of a hot air balloon, Flash, accompanied by Crash, managed to follow Zephyr to his next job at the Wonderbolts’ Headquarters. There, Zephyr, following Rainbow with a lovesick expression on his face, walked into the Wonderbolts’ barracks. Flash and Crash watched through a window as Rainbow presented Zephyr with a bucket and a mop.

“All right, Zephyr,” Rainbow instructed. “Normally, the worst flier of the day is in charge of cleaning up the compound, but she crashed so badly that she had to go to the on-site hospital. So now, it’s your job. You can start by scrubbing the floor of the barracks.”

“Yeah, sure,” Zephyr replied. “I’ll get right on it.” But he didn’t get right on it. Instead, he took a few seconds to look around the barracks his eyes wide with wonder. Flash didn’t blame him; most ponies never got to come into the Wonderbolts’ barracks. Rainbow, however, was far from impressed. She flew out the door, leaving Zephyr alone. As soon as Zephyr realized this, he started to trot in the same direction, but Rainbow came back with a storm cloud and promptly zapped him with a bolt of lightning!

“Aaahh!” Zephyr yelled. He looked singed, but mostly unhurt. “Hey! What gives?” he asked.

“I told you to scrub the floor, Zephyr!” Rainbow snapped. “And you may recall that I said I would zap you if you tried to get out of this! Now, get to work!” Zephyr whimpered and began to scrub the floors, but his newfound devotion didn’t last for long. He took a break less than a minute later, and Rainbow responded by zapping him again!

“Hey!” Zephyr yelped. “I was taking a breather!”

“After thirty seconds?” Rainbow roared.

“I was exhausted!” Zephyr lied.

“How dumb do you think I am?” Rainbow snarled. Rather than answering, Zephyr looked around, spied a window that happened to be open, and smiled. He took off and began to fly towards it.

“Oh, no, you don’t!” Rainbow shouted. She flew in front of Zephyr with the storm cloud, blocking the exit. Zephyr tried to get around it, but Rainbow kept zapping him! Then, he tried to find another way out, but Rainbow just chased him around, zapping him every time he headed towards an opening. And all the while, Flash winced and cringed at the scene before him.

“Eesh,” Crash muttered. “It’s like this guy is trying to get himself fried.”

“I know,” Flash agreed. “I kind of feel sorry for him.”

“Why?” Crash asked. “He’s asking for this.”

“Yeah,” Flash admitted. “But it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s being zapped repeatedly with lightening. Nopony deserves that.”

“Get back here, Zephyr Breeze!” Rainbow continued to yell. “You will get this job done by the time the other Wonderbolts get back, and you will do it right!”

After a few seconds, Zephyr shouted, “No, I won’t!”

“Why not?” Rainbow demanded.

“Because they’re back!” Zephyr yelped, pointing towards the doors. Except that there were no Wonderbolts there. Rainbow, not knowing this, let out a panicked yell and whipped around.

“Spitfire! I can expla-” Rainbow hastily started. Sadly, in the time it took for her to realize that there was nopony there, get frustrated, and turn around to start lecturing Zephyr, he had already flown out the open window that he had tried to fly through in the first place!

“After him!” Flash shouted, rearing up. He and Crash charged forward in pursuit of the naughty pegasus. When they got within earshot of him, Flash shouted, “Stop flying and land in the name of Princess Level!”

“No!” Zephyr shouted down at them. “And tell your precious Princess that she can hire somepony else to clean her stupid toilet!”

“You asked for it!” Flash shouted. He looked at Crash, hoping to convey with this glance what he intended to do. Crash nodded, without needing to hear a word, and lowered his head. Flash took the opportunity to leap onto his friend’s back. From there, Flash crouched, spread his wings, and waited for the right moment to execute his plan. Any minute now… any minute now…

Finally, Flash felt a strong gust that happened to be blowing in Zephyr’s direction. He smiled, knowing that this was going to go off without a hitch. Not content with waiting any longer, he leapt up, his wings still spread out… and glided.

Zephyr noticed that Flash was now on his tail but, if he was at all worried, he didn’t show it. “I was wondering when you were gonna take to the skies,” he said calmly.

“Stop flying and land!” Flash demanded again.

“Yeah, not gonna happen,” Zephyr denied.

“Yes, it will!” Flash shouted. “Unless you want to end up in jail, you will land, and you will-” His thoughts were cut short when the wind suddenly ran out. He had already flown over the edge of the cliff that housed the Wonderbolts’ Heaquarters. “Uh-oh,” he muttered, then spiraled down with a loud, “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Fortunately, he didn’t fall far before he landed face-first on a cloud.

Flash groaned, lifted his head, and spat out a mouthful of cumulus, which floated farther up into the sky. Zephyr, who had stopped to look, laughed and flew away with a triumphant, “Kiss my flank, sucker!” Flash growled in frustration, unable to catch up or even leave the cloud without truly functional wings.

“You okay down there?” Crash called.

“Yeah!” Flash called back up. “Get the balloon!” Even as he said this, his head began to ache with the frustrations of the day, and he had a feeling that it would only get worse.

Level was not going to be happy about this.




“He did what?” Level snapped. He and Crash had made it safely down to Earth, and Flash was filling Level in on what had happened.

“It’s true,” Flash wrapped up his summary. “And then the wind gave out, I crashed onto a cloud, and he flew away and taunted me with, quote, ‘Kiss my flank, sucker!’, unquote.”

“That lousy,” Level growled, letting the thought hang. After letting out a cough, she drooped her head and muttered, “Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe he isn’t Society material, after all.”

Seeing this, Flash found himself feeling bad for her again. It wasn’t her fault that Zephyr was irresponsible and lazy; that was just the way he was. “Don’t be so sure,” Flash said.

Level looked up and asked, “Huh?”

“Everypony has the power to change, Level,” Flash explained. “You and I are proof of that. It’s just that what we tried didn’t work.”

“Then what will work?” Level asked, tears forming in her already pathetic-looking eyes. “What is it going to take to break through to this guy? From what I’ve heard, even his own sister couldn’t figure out how to get him to be productive.”

“I don’t know,” Flash admitted. “But there’s gotta be a way, just like there was with me. You weren’t willing to give up on him before, and you shouldn’t give up on him now.”

Level wiped her eyes, blew her muzzle, and replied, “Yeah, you’re right. But how to do it? It’s not like he’s willing to listen to reason; we’ve already managed to determine that he isn’t.” She sighed, adding, “So what can we do?”

Flash wasn’t sure what to do. He knew that Level would never give up until Zephyr Breeze was a member of the Society. And, deplorable though Zephyr was, he wasn’t completely beyond hope. But that still didn’t change the fact that Flash hadn’t made any progress with him. But, surely, there was still something that could be done…

Suddenly, an idea dawned on Flash that was so obvious that he couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of it sooner. “Maybe,” he muttered, “there’s nothing we can do.”

Level’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Think about it,” Flash reasoned. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve never even heard of this Zephyr guy until you brought him up. If we don’t know him, how can we reform him?”

Level looked like she was about was about to object, but instead she sneezed powerfully, causing her latest errant beam of magic to turn the fireplace into a doll-sized castle, still connected to the burrito-chimney by a pipeline of brick. She sniffled and sighed, “I wish that didn’t make sense. But maybe you’re right; maybe this isn’t our fight.”

“Exactly,” Flash agreed. “Just curious: what made you want Zephyr to join the Society in the first place? He’s obviously not reformed.”

“Well,” Level replied with a deep, sick snort, “during my days as Golden Chaos, I studied the families of all the Mane Six, hoping to come across something that I could use to take them down. I stumbled across Zephyr Breeze while looking at Fluttershy’s family and, seeing that his personal history lacked absolutely anything positive, decided that it would be a waste of my time to even give him a second thought. In a rare twist of fate, my Dark Side had been right; Zephyr Breeze never once became important in the grand scheme of things.

“A few days ago, however, I got a note from Azalea. She said that a member of Fluttershy’s family who was so obscure that she had never heard of him until about a month or so prior to her writing the note could well play a very important part in Equestrian history sometime in the near future. I knew right away what that meant; Zephyr was destined to become a member of the Royal Society of the Reformed. I did a bit of digging and found out that he was floundering in the Cloudsdale Mane Therapy School and was planning on dropping out. I planned to speak with him and try to reform him after he left but, naturally, by the time that happened, I was already sick.”

“And that’s why you called me,” Flash guessed.

“Yeah,” Level confirmed. “I was hoping that you could reform Zephyr on my behalf but, as you can see, it didn’t work out that way.”

“Maybe it doesn’t have to,” Flash suggested. “You said that he was staying with Fluttershy, right? Well, what if she’s the one who’s meant to reform him? Maybe, with the help of one or two of her friends, she can get to him and convince him not to be such a lazybones.”

Level paused to consider this. After a few seconds  - and a cough – she finally said, “You know something? You may be right. I’m not sure why Azalea wrote to me about Zephyr Breeze, but I guess that, sometimes, you just have to accept the fact that you can’t carry the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. One way or another, you’ll have to trust that things will work out for the best.” Looking worried all of a sudden, she asked, “But will that actually happen? I mean, I don’t want to throw in the towel and then learn that we were Zephyr’s last hope for redemption, after all.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” Flash replied. “Princess Level, I humbly request to stay in Ponyville until your full recovery. That should take a few days and, by then, we should have an answer as to whether or not Fluttershy was able to reform him.”

“Request granted,” Level wholeheartedly agreed.




A few days later…

Flash knocked on the door of Level’s cottage once again. After several days of just hanging out in Ponyville – wandering around town and doing stuff with Crash – he had approached the cottage and found that the force field that had surrounded it was gone. Hoping that meant what he thought it meant, he’d decided to speak to Level.

When Level answered the door, Flash’s first indication that things were looking up was that she used her magic to turn the handle. When the door swung open, she looked much better. She was still a little bleary-eyed and her face was more pink than magenta, but she no longer looked like a zombie who had died of pneumonia. “Hey, Level,” Flash greeted her. “You feeling better?”

“Much,” Level confirmed, her voice no longer the slightest bit nasal. “My fever broke last night, and I’ll likely be completely better by the end of tomorrow.”

“Good for you,” Flash said with a smile. “What about Zephyr?”

“You know, it’s funny you should ask,” Level mused. “I wrote Azalea telling her all that had happened, and she wrote back saying that she never expected me – or you – to actually do anything about it but, and I quote, ‘Because Zephyr is a likely candidate for reformation, it couldn’t hurt to know his name,’ unquote.”

“I see,” Flash muttered after a few seconds. “But what about him?”

“In the same letter, Azalea told me that she got wind of him going back to the Cloudsdale Mane Therapy School. Apparently, he is throwing himself into his classes like never before and may well be at the top of his class by the end of the semester.”

“Good for him,” Flash remarked. “I guess that means my job here is done, huh?”

“Looks like it,” Level agreed. “You and Tech are both dismissed back to the Crystal Empire.” As she spoke, she moved aside, allowing her boyfriend to walk out of the house.

“Ready to go?” Tech asked.

“If it means I get to come back to Ponyville later, sure!” Flash agreed. And with that, the two pegasi walked away, happy that everything had turned out for the best.




My Little Pony Developed for Television by
Lauren Faust

Flutter Brutter Written By
Dave Rapp

Featured (or would-be Featured) Voice Actors
Tara Strong as Level Up
Peter New as Tech Savvy
Vincent Tong as Flash Sentry

Guest (or would-be Guest) Voice Actors
Ryan Beil as Zephyr Breeze
Andrea Libman as Fluttershy
Britt McKillip as Princess Cadence
Tabitha St. Germain as Princess Flurry Heart

Level Up and Tech Savvy belong to me. Everything else is owned by Hasbro and DHX Studios. Thank you.
Flutter Brutter: The Untold Story
I would have gotten this up sooner, but my proofreader forgot about it.

Also, I know that the moral is kind of the opposite of the original episode's moral, but there really are times when you have to accept the fact that you can't change something.
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Rainbow: I can't believe that this country was willing to elect a stupid, inexperienced, hateful man over a loving, qualified woman to be our nation's next president. I mean, seriously! What gives?

Sci-Twi: He is going to crack down so hard on our half of the gene pool. With him in charge, it's going to be super hard for me to become a computer scientist.

Flash: I may be a male, but I would never, ever say any of the things that man has said about women. Ever.

Applejack: And it ain't just women, either. With Donald Trump as president, life is going to be much harder for all kinds of minorities.

Sunset: Immigrants from all nations will be sent back to their homes. As an immigrant myself, I know that cannot happen; America is our home now.

Pinkie: Life is going to be so sad. How will I be able to party when Trump is busy trying to get Mexico to pay for the wall he's building to keep the immigrants out?

Level: Not only am I female and an immigrant, but I also have several disabilities. People judge me enough for that as it is; I don't want it to get worse.

Fluttershy: And that's all before you get to the fact that he doesn't care about the environment like the other candidate does. With Trump in charge, Global Warming is only going to get worse before the next election.

Rarity: So, please, America, if you care about equality, join the protests that are occurring across the land as we speak.

Sci-Twi: If you care about friendship...

Sunset: Equal rights...

Applejack: Love and Tolerance...

Pinkie: Happiness for all...

Rainbow: The future of our children...

Fluttershy: And the world...

Flash: And those who are just plain different...

Level: Do what's right.

All: Join the protests.

(This message was brought to you by Princess-Level-Up. All of the characters used belong to Hasbro and DHX Studios, with the exception of Level Up, who belongs to the author. All rights reserved. Join the protests.)

(I am Princess-Level-Up, and I approve this message.)
Level sighed, pacing madly back and forth. Something was off; she couldn’t quite put her hoof on it. Nothing was going on and yet… she felt stressed. There was no other word for it. It was just a lot of unwarranted stress.

“C’mon, Level, think,” she urged herself. “You’ve had an unprecedented amount of free time since you came to Ponyville. You don’t have any reformed villains to recruit at the moment. Everything’s going right. Why are you stressed?” She sighed, sitting down in defeat. “Maybe it’s because everything’s going right,” she theorized. “I’m probably just used to waiting for something to go wrong so that I can slip away without Princess Celestia finding out. But that’s not a problem anymore, so I’m left with an empty void.”

“Why don’t you mix things up a little?” her counterpart suggested. “You’re always doing the same things day in and day out; maybe a change of pace is just what you need.”

“Yeah, but what?” Pony Level thought back. “What could I possibly try that’s new and exciting, yet relaxing enough to take my mind off the fact that there’s nothing to do?” As she thought this, she heard the sound of the newspaper hitting her door. With nothing else to do at the moment, she opened the door and collected it. Casually reading the headline, she muttered, “‘Ponyville Day Spa Lines Longest They’ve Ever Been. Steam Room Is Hot In More Ways Than One.’”

Suddenly, an idea struck Level upside the head like an angry monkey with a crowbar. “That’s it!” she proclaimed. “That’s what I need to take my mind off things. Today, I’m going to the spa!”

“Are you kidding?” Human Level thought. “Did you not read the part about the absurdly long lines?”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Pony Level replied. “Besides, even if the spa has lines out the door, I’ll still get my appointment. What could go wrong?”




My Little Pony, My Little Pony

(SKRRRT!)

So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent
And now it’s time to build
From the bottom of the pit
Right to the top

Don’t hold back
Packing my bags and
Giving the academy a rain check

I don’t ever wanna let you down
I don’t ever wanna leave this town
‘Cause after all
The city never sleeps at night

It’s time to begin isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger
But then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was

Now don’t you understand
That I’m never changing who I am


My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: The Untold Story

By Princess-Level-Up

Original Series Developed for Television By
Lauren Faust

Applejack’s “Day” Off




A short while later, Level was on her way to the spa. “I wonder what treatments I’ll be able to get for myself,” she mused as she walked. “I know that there are hooficures, but I’ve already done that back at Canterlot Castle. I should try something new. How about a massage? Or maybe a mud bath? This is so exciting.”

The Ponyville Day Spa came into view, its soft, cream-colored exterior welcoming Level like a warm hug. “I know,” she finally decided. “I’ll start with the steam room. The newspaper said it was very popular, so it must be a good place to start.”

“But what about the lines?” Human Level cut in.

“Well, I’m not seeing anything out the door, so it can’t be that big a deal,” Pony Level thought back. “Clearly, the paper was exaggerating. Newspapers do that.”

Level stepped into the spa. The waiting room was full of other ponies, all waiting to get spa treatments. Level walked up to the window and said, “Hello, there. I’d like to book the steam room, please.”

“Oh,” the receptionist replied in a European accent of some sort, sounding worried. “I am so sorry, your Majesty, but we are running just a tad behind. Are you prepared to wait for a while?”

“Sure. No problem,” Level replied. “Just let me know when you’re ready.” With that, she sat down on one of the chairs, opened a magazine, and began to read, certain that she would be in the steam room before she knew it.




Two hours later…

This was taking longer than she thought it would.

Level was getting seriously bored. She had read all of the magazines, used her magic to summon all of her favorite books so she could reread her favorite parts, and now she was left with nothing to do except sit and wait. She was starting to wonder if they were ever going to-

“All right, Miss Level Up,” the receptionist finally said. “You may get in line now.”

“Thank you,” Level sighed, standing up. She felt a little stiff after sitting down for so long, but she knew it was worth it. Finally, she would get her spa appointment. Then she could sit some more!

“Oh, but first,” the receptionist added, “take one of our complimentary towels. They’re freshly washed.”

“Oh, no thanks,” Level declined.

“No?” the receptionist replied. “Then perhaps you would like a nice robe, instead?”

“I don’t see why I need one,” Level stated matter-of-factly. “We’re naked all the time, anyway.” With that, she walked into the main spa area… and immediately bumped into somepony. She was shocked and appalled to see herself at the back of an enormous line that seemed to stretch on forever!

“Okay,” Level muttered. “So the newspapers weren’t exaggerating about the length of the lines.”

“I told you so,” Human Level mentally bragged.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Pony Level grumbled. Then she asked the pony in front of her, “Excuse me. How long have you been waiting here?”

“I’m not sure,” she replied. “But it feels like it’s been forever. Apparently, they’re having some kind of problem with the steam.”

Level sighed, slumping her shoulders. “Brilliant,” she grumbled. “I came here for a day of relaxation, and instead I got this.” After a second, she straightened up and added, “Ah, well. This line can’t possibly take that long, right?”




Thirty minutes later…

This was getting seriously old.

The line had moved, but it was moving at a snail’s pace. There were still four ponies in front of Level, and they all looked just as impatient as she was. And, to make matters worse, the hallway was freezing. It left Level shivering to the point where she had wished that she had taken a robe or towel. Luckily, the spa had noticed this problem and had provided a warm towel service to all of the ponies in line, allowing them to replace their towels with fresh, warm ones every 5 minutes. Level was only too glad to take advantage of this, wrapping her mane in one towel and draping another over her shoulders.

After what felt like forever, something finally happened to shake things up. Or rather, somepony happened. Applejack came around the corner, probably to see what the holdup was, with Rarity and another spa attendant in tow. She turned to a young colt who was standing in front of Level, separated by two other ponies, and asked, “Why are y’all just standing here?”

The colt shuddered with cold and replied, “Just waiting for the steam to build up.”

The pony currently in front of the line – a greedy, middle-aged mare who Level had learned against her will was named Spoiled Rich – added, “Without steam, a steam room’s just a room, and I’ve got plenty of those at home. Because I live in a mansion.” Level rolled her eyes at this. She had heard enough of Spoiled Rich’s bragging during her time in line. The only useful thing she’d learned from that insufferable mare was that she was Diamond Tiara’s mother, which might be useful when the time came to recruit Diamond into the ranks of the Royal Society of the Reformed.

Applejack cautiously approached the meter that measured the steam and tapped it with her forehoof. The pipe it was attached to hissed unpleasantly, the needle moved a tiny bit, then it returned to its original, unpromising position of “0”.
“It has been taking longer for the steam to reach that ‘Ponyville Day Spa’ quality. We even had to add a warm towel service.” Right on cue, the handsome young unicorn stallion who handled the warm towel service came around the corner with a cart full of warm towels. “So sorry for the delay, everypony,” the first spa attendant addressed the line. “Please help yourselves.”

Nopony needed to tell Level twice. Her towels were getting miserably cold, making her feel the exact same way. She, along with everypony else, quickly grabbed warm towels to wrap herself in before dumping her old ones into the cart. She sighed with relief, the warm fabric pressing through her fur to make contact with her skin.

Applejack frowned thoughtfully, “So, if you’re not getting enough steam, that must mean there’s not enough hot water.”

“Oh, Applejack, honestly,” Rarity said frantically. “Can’t we just start with a hooficure? We’re going to run out of time!” Applejack ignored her companion, however, and instead started following the pipe on the ceiling that was supposed to provide steam for the steam room. As soon as she left, along with Applejack and the spa attendant, something occurred to Level.

“Why is it so cold in here?” she mused. “I mean, it’s not like any of us is wearing less than we would be wearing, anyway. In fact, we’re wearing more.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, your Highness,” Spoiled Rich addressed her from the front of the line. “There’s probably just something wrong with the air conditioner. When the air conditioner breaks, it can cause problems literally everywhere in the building, even if you live-”

“In a mansion?” Level guessed, her voice and face completely deadpan.

“Exactly,” Spoiled Rich concurred. “You would think that having that many rooms would make it easy to escape a faulty air conditioner, but that is not the case. Not even remotely.”

It was Level’s turn to frown thoughtfully. “I see,” she muttered. If this air conditioning problem was really affecting the entire building, then, clearly, somepony would have to get to the bottom of it. She glanced around. She saw nopony she could report the problem to, but she did see an air vent that she could have sworn was blowing snow, which melted before it could hit the ground. An idea formed in her mind; it wasn’t entirely ethical, but she could see no other alternative.

Level quickly cast a spell over the towels on her body, allowing them to warm her for a far longer time than they would have been able to otherwise. She then turned to the pony behind her and asked, “Save my place in line for me?”

“Um, sure,” the pony responded, sounding a little perplexed.

“Good,” Level asserted. Then, she turned to the vent with a defiant glare and growled, “I’m going in.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” said the colt ahead of her in line. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You’ll get frozen. Or caught. Or frozen and caught.”

“Do you want to stand here freezing your flank off until it’s your turn?” Level challenged. The colt gulped and shook his head no. Level turned back to the air vent and added, “That’s what I thought,” before using her magic to remove the cover, flying inside, and replacing the cover to avoid drawing suspicion. This was it. She was going to save these spa goers, no matter what it took.




Ten minutes later…

Level wasn’t quite sure where she was, but she knew it wasn’t where she was supposed to be. As she crawled around, she was pretty sure that she passed the same sections of tubing several times. Her legs were ached, her horn repeatedly scraped the top of the duct, and she’d had to magically defrost her glasses several times.

After she passed the same vent for the umpteenth time in a row, she sighed with annoyance, her breath clearly visible, and muttered, “How the heck am I supposed to find the AC unit in this place?”

“Hey. Maybe I can help,” a familiar voice suddenly said right behind her. Level yelped with surprise and turned around. To her shock, she found that Tech Savvy, wearing a robe and a towel wrapped around his head, had joined her in the air vent.

“Tech?” she asked. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I was here at the spa on official royal business when I noticed that it was unseasonably cold in here, so I thought I’d check it out,” Tech answered.

Level rubbed her chin thoughtfully, a smirk appearing on her face. “Official royal business, huh?” she asked. She gave Tech a look that made it clear that she wasn’t buying his story. Why would he be here on royal business? It wasn’t like there was anything major going on, and reports were never written about the Princesses taking a spa day. In fact, when they took spa days, it was to avoid the public eye for a while.

After a few seconds, Tech sighed in defeat and grumbled, “Okay, so I was here for the mud bath and beard-trimming services, but the point is that the AC is busted, and nopony else seems to care, so I thought I’d take a look at it.”

“That’s exactly why I’m here,” Level remarked. “The problem is, I seem to be lost. I’ve passed the same air vents more times than I can count.”

“Well, I think I can help you with that,” Tech offered. “If we just travel downwind of the currents, we should find the AC, no problem.”

“Wait, wait,” Level muttered. “Downwind?”

“Yes,” Tech confirmed.

“As in, with the cold air blowing directly in our faces,” Level prodded.

“How else are we supposed to know we’re getting closer to the source?” Tech pointed out.

It seemed flawed, but Level couldn’t think of a better idea. Tech’s logic seemed right on the money, and there was no way to counter it. “Okay,” she relented, defrosting her glasses yet again. “Let’s do this.”




A while later, the two of them were still crawling through the air ducts. They had found an area that was wide enough so that they could at least crawl next to each other, but it was still rather cramped, to say the absolute least. “Well, this could obviously be going better.”

“Meh,” Tech replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “Could be worse. At least you’re here.”

“Oh, you,” Level teased coyly.

“No, I’m serious,” Tech added. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this close to anypony before. From the moment I bumped into you, all I’ve ever been able to do was think about you.”

Level blushed. Was this really happening? Was Tech really saying what she thought he was saying? There was only one way to know for sure. After listening carefully to make sure that nopony else was hanging outside the nearby air vents, she asked, “Okay, can I just say something crazy?”

Tech’s response was a mellow, “I’m cool with crazy.” Level took that as a ‘yes’ and began pouring out what she had thought about him ever since they’d met.

All my life has been a series
Of doors in my face
And then, suddenly,
I bump into you


Tech smiled and said, “I was thinking the same thing. ‘Cause, like-” And then he joined in the song.

I’ve been searching my whole life
To find my own place
And maybe it’s the chill wind talking
But I’m crazy for you

Level: And with you
(Tech: And with you
I’ve found my place)
I see your face
Both: And it’s nothing like
I’ve never known before

Love is an open door!
Love is an open
(Level: door!)
(Tech: Doooor!)
Both: Love is an open door
Level: with you
(Tech: with you)
With you
(With you)
Both: Love is an open door

Tech: I mean it’s crazy
Level: What?
Tech: We finish each other’s
Level: Sandwhiches!
Tech: That’s what I was gonna say!
Level: I’ve never met someone
Both: Who thinks so much like me!
(Jynx!)
(Jynx again!)

Our mental synchronization
Can have but one explanation
Tech: You
Level: And I
Tech: Were
Level: Just
Both: Meant to be!

Level: Say goodbye
(Tech: say goodbye)
Both: To the pain of the past
We don’t have to feel it anymore

Love is an open door!
Love is an open
Level: Door!
(Tech: Doooooor!)
Both: Life can be so much more
Level: With you
Tech: With you
Level: With you
Tech: With you
Both: Love is an open
Tech: Door
Level: Dooooor



As the song wrapped up, Tech asked, “Can I say something crazy?” Level giggled and nodded, prompting Tech to ask, “Wanna go out with me?”

Level’s response was, “Can I say something even crazier?” However, before she could give a proper answer, they managed to approach the air conditioning unit. Fortunately, they could see what the problem was: a few loose wires that prevented the air-conditioning from running at anything warmer than freeze-your-flank-off temperatures. Unfortunately, there was already a mechanic working on the problem.

And he saw them.

And they stared at each other.

The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife. What was going on? Level had thought that nopony was fixing this thing! She wouldn’t have come up here if she had known that somepony was fixing this thing! Now what was she going to do?

The mechanic turned to a nearby vent and called out, “Security!”

And then Level figured out what she was going to do. Apparently, she and Tech were going to deal with the police.




It wasn’t long before the cops showed up. They hauled Level and Tech out of the duct and brought them outside the spa, where four or five police carts barricaded their path. The spa attendant who had called the police stood nearby, eyeing Level and Tech with clear disapproval.

“Now, you’d better have a good explanation for this,” the chief officer grumbled. He turned to address Level specifically and added, “And don’t think you’re off the hook just because you’re royalty, Princess. Nopony is above the law, and I will hold you for however long it takes for Princess Celestia to give her verdict on you crawling around this establishment’s air ducts.”

“Look, we’re really sorry, officer,” Level tried to explain herself. “We were just tired of having to wait for our appointments in the cold. We didn’t know that somepony was already working on it. And if we had known-”

“How could you not have known?” the officer demanded. “When an air conditioner is broken, somepony calls a mechanic to fix it. Everypony knows that! So what were the two of you thinking?”

Level’s train of thought came to a screeching halt, leaving her at a complete loss for words. How was she going to explain that the totally obvious hadn’t occurred to her? What excuse could she possibly have other than that she was distracted by the thought of not freezing before her appointment? He probably wouldn’t believe that, anyway, even though it was true.

“Um…” Level muttered. “Well, you see…”

“Actually, she was against it,” Tech said. Level couldn’t help but look at him, wide-eyed and startled. Why was he saying this? She had been all for it.

“Really, now?” the cop asked skeptically.

“It’s true,” Tech lied. “She kept telling me not to do it. She kept saying that we were going to get in trouble, that we were breaking every rule she could think of, etc. etc. But I didn’t listen to her. I was just so sick of having to wait for my mud bath in the cold. So I forcibly dragged her along with me as a lookout.”

“Which you never should have done,” Level scolded, deciding to play this new angle for all it was worth.

“I know,” Tech sighed, hanging his head low. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” the officer grumbled. “I understand the frustrations that a broken air conditioner can cause, but this wasn’t your air conditioner. You had no right to try to fix it. In addition, if something had gone wrong, you could have caused a disaster that would have led to, at the very least, an evacuation of the whole building. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Tech mumbled.

“Good,” the officer said. “Seeing as you obviously regret your actions, your punishment is null and void.”

“Not quite,” the spa attendant said. “Tech Savvy, as one of the founders and the current head attendant of the Ponyville Day Spa, I hereby revoke your spa privileges for one month.”

Tech sighed and muttered, “Aw, nuts.”

“And as for you, Princess,” the officer addressed Level, “you, too, have been nulled and voided in terms of punishment, seeing as you were forced against your will.”

“And your spa appointment is still open, if you want to take it,” the attendant offered. Level could hardly believe her ears. Was she really being let off the hook so easily? Were these ponies really believing Tech Savvy and letting her off scot-free? Was she…

Was she seriously considering going in and enjoying herself while Tech was forced to miss his appointment?

“Actually, you know what?” Level addressed the attendant. “Move it to next month. I’ve got more important things to worry about right now.” She turned to the officer and asked, “Are we free to go, officer?”

“Um… yes,” the officer answered, looking a little perplexed. “Have a nice day, you two.”

“Thank you,” Level replied. “We will. Come on, Tech.”

The two of them walked away. As soon as the Ponyville Day Spa was out of sight, Tech asked, “Why didn’t you go take your spa appointment?” Tech asked. “You must’ve been waiting for it a long time to become desperate enough to try to fix the AC yourself.”

“Well,” Level explained, “I came to the spa in the first place in order to take my mind off my troubles. Then I realized that the only thing I need to take my mind off my troubles,” she paused, eyeing Tech amorously, “is you.”

Tech blushed. “R-really?” he asked.

“Yeah, really,” Level replied. “Don’t you remember when we were singing that song in there? Or what about when Trixie was in town and we were killing time until her performance by playing a dancing game? Or even that one art class where we both made terrible paintings? Those were all examples of the most fun I’ve ever had. And I had them all with you.”

Tech smiled. “They were the most fun I’ve ever had, too,” he said simply.

“Oh, and by the way,” Level added with a smile, “I never got a chance to answer your question.” She stopped and pecked him on the cheek. “Yes, Tech Savvy, I will go out with you.”

“Sweet!” Tech cheered. “When can I see you again?”

“How about 11:45 on Saturday?” Level offered.

“Deal,” Tech agreed. “Well, see you then.” He walked in the direction of the train station.

“Bye,” Level said, heading home. She smiled and blushed all the way back home. For the first time in her life, she had a special somepony. And he offered her happiness that no day at the spa could ever bring. “In your face, long lines,” she thought as she merrily trotted back home.




My Little Pony Developed for Television by
Lauren Faust

Applejack’s “Day” Off Written By
Michael P. Fox and Will Fox

Featured (or would-be Featured) Voice Actors
Tara Strong as Level Up
Peter New as Tech Savvy

Guest (or would-be Guest) Voice Actors
Ashleigh Ball as Applejack
Tabitha St. Germain as Rarity, Aloe, Spa Pony
Chantal Strand as Spoiled Rich
Jason Simpson as Line Pony, Officer
Andrea Libman as Daisy

Featured Songs
“Love Is An Open Door”
By Robert Lopez and Kirsten Anderson-Lopez
Originally from Frozen
Lyrics Modified

Level Up and Tech Savvy belong to me. Everything else is owned by Hasbro and DHX Studios. Thank you.
Location: Manehattan, Equestria
Dimension ID: MLPFIM42626
Episode: The Saddle Row Review

She sat patiently, waiting, waiting.

The 15th Avenue Pancake House. It was a lovely place to go get a meal. Even now, in the midst of what could easily turn into a crisis, ponies were streaming in and out, some just sitting down to order, others paying their tabs before departing. And, in the middle of it all, sat a Miss Pinkamina Diane Pie, a.k.a. Pinkie Pie. However, there was one thing about her that was extraordinary.

She was not from this world.

That’s right. This particular Pinkie Pie had left the relative safety of Canterlot High to do important business in this cozy little restaurant in Manehattan, Equestria. Her mission: to find out just how big an impact Level Up and Azalea Everstar were having on the Mane Six and their exploits. Oh, how she hated those two Self-Inserts. Everyone else in the Order thought that they were just normal OCs to be treated with the same respect as everyone else. All of her not-in-the-know friends believed the Self-Inserts were perfectly normal, if mysterious, girls. But Pinkie wasn’t fooled. She knew that this situation, if left unchecked, could have disastrous consequences. That’s why she had come here against the orders of her superiors, and that’s also why she was quietly eating blueberry pie while listening to a stallion give her counterpart an interview in the next booth over. Her head ducked and ears perked, she listened carefully.

“Okay, kid. When I interviewed Princess Twilight earlier, she said that Rarity was stressed out over how poorly things were going,” the enthusiastic reporter said. “What are your thoughts on that?”

As Human Pinkie licked the last of the pie juice from her forehooves, she listened as Pony Pinkie answered, “Actually, it’s kind of funny you should mention that. Actually, it’s very funny! He-he-he. Anyway, Rarity was soooo stressed that she started talking about how much she wished there was more than one of her.”

“And?” the reporter prodded. As soon as he said this, Human Pinkie straightened up, wanting to hear with absolute clarity what her counterpart said. This was very risky behavior, as she heard the distinct, static-esque sound of the Fourth Wall arriving at the booth, observing the situation. However, she knew that she wouldn’t be discovered, for the Audience’s view of her was blocked by an enormous stack of pancakes.

“Yeah…” Pony Pinkie muttered uneasily. “Making copies of yourself always sounds like a great idea, but, before you know it, you’re locked in a room with 50 Pinkie Pies watching paint dry.” Unfortunately, right after she said this, she proceeded to do the unthinkable; she gobbled up the top dozen or so pancakes that had been hiding Human Pinkie Pie! Startled, Pinkie couldn’t help but look in the direction of the Fourth Wall. Its appearance was indescribable – the closest approximation she could come up with was, perhaps, a TV screen with multicolor static buzzing across it – but that didn’t matter. She knew she had been caught; she could feel millions upon millions of eyes from the Audience watching her, contemplating what the appearance of a second Pinkie might mean.

The Fourth Wall blinked away, not to return until the Writers directed it to do so, but it was too late. The damage was done. The Audience had seen a member of the Order in action, and now there was no turning back. Even now, her head hurt as she tried to think of all of the things that the Rogue Writers were thinking of saying about her. Frustrated, she slumped across the table and said, in a deeper voice than she normally used to avoid attracting attention, “Check, please.”




It was the following night. The Mane Six had decided to hang out at Rarity 4 You one last time before heading back to Ponyville. Human Pinkie had decided to take this opportunity to talk to her counterpart, but not about what had happened the previous night. Rather, it was about another, equally important matter.

DJ PON-3 had taken her place at the DJ turntable. The party was in full swing, with platforms that held various dresses moving and twirling near the dance floor, raccoons serving fancy food, and preteen Plaid Stripes pushing her spoon-gloves. All of this was lost on Pinkie, however, as she hid behind the door that marked the entrance to the mares’ dressing rooms. She kept a careful eye on the customers, waiting for her counterpart to catch her eye.

Finally, she saw her. Pony Pinkie was busting a move on the dance floor, breakdancing on her tail in a way that nopony else could do. Human Pinkie waited until her counterpart was done before loudly whispering, “Psst! Psst!” Pony Pinkie looked up, wide-eyed and startled, as Human Pinkie gestured for her to come into the dressing room area. After a few seconds of mild confusion, Pony Pinkie shrugged, bounced onto all fours, and trotted to her counterpart.

Human Pinkie?” Pony Pinkie asked once they were alone and the door was closed. “What are you doing here? Our monthly meeting isn’t until next week!”

“I’m sorry, Pony Pinkie, but I’m here on a matter that just couldn’t wait,” Human Pinkie replied. “I trust you know by now that you are not, in fact, living in MLPFIM Prime?”

“Well, duh!” Pony Pinkie answered with a roll of her eyes. “Why else would those two new Princesses be here? There were only supposed to be five Princesses as of Flurry Heart’s birth. Now, we have seven!”

“And that’s exactly what I’m here to talk to you about,” Human Pinkie explained. “Pony Pinkie, have you noticed anything different about your life? Is anything not as it should be?”

“Hmm, no, not really,” Pony Pinkie muttered in reply, rubbing her chin. Then, after a second, she added, “Oh! Unless you count the fact that Princess Level and Princess Azalea were there when Twilight met Flurry Heart. And I also found out that they accompanied Spike to the Dragons Lands. And, then, when Trixie came to town-”

“Something else happened that involved Level, right?” Human Pinkie cut her counterpart off.

“Yeah,” Pony Pinkie answered, sounding slightly startled.

“Well, I think that your mistrust of her during ‘The Crystaling, Part One’ was well founded,” Human Pinkie summarized. Then, after quickly looking around to make sure that the Fourth Wall was not around and that nobody else was watching, she leaned in closer and whispered, “I think she may be the Mad One’s avatar.”

“WHAT?” Pony Pinkie blurted. “Are you sure?”

“Of course,” Human Pinkie replied. “Don’t you remember the prophecy?” She paused. The Prophecy of the Mad One was not to be taken lightly. It was said that even thinking about it was enough to draw the Mad One into the area, creating chaos and strife where none should be. But, knowing Level, she was likely to show up here regardless, if only to drag her would-be boyfriend onto the dance floor, and thus accidently bring the Mad One, anyway. So, after much consideration, Human Pinkie decided to refresh her counterpart’s memory:

A maiden with an arm of gold
Shall come forth and commit acts so bold
But beware, for in her bespectacled eyes
Lies a monster made up of malice and lies
On the day of hope, when all should rejoice
The wrong person shall make heard her voice
The Mad One shall then strike with fury quite bold
And make every world in existence grow cold


Pony Pinkie stared at Human Pinkie with wide eyes, clearly appalled that her counterpart would dare recite the Prophecy of the Mad One. Then, after a few seconds, Pony Pinkie snarled angrily and barked, “I knew there was something about her that I couldn’t trust!”

“I know, right?” Human Pinkie agreed. “And the worst part is that the other members of the Order don’t believe me. What, are they waiting for, some other maiden with an arm of gold to enter the scene? That’s crazy! Who but our Rogue Writer would come up with such a thing?”

“Totally!” Pony Pinkie concurred. “But what about the other one?”

“Azalea?” Human Pinkie guessed. “I'm not exactly sure what her deal is. But she, too, is a Self-Insert, so there’s no way she’s not gonna play a part in the Prophecy.”

“Makes sense,” Pony Pinkie reasoned. “Well, I’m gonna go hit the dance floor again before somepony starts looking for me. May the Writers grant you great fortunes.”

“May the Writers grant you great fortunes,” Human Pinkie returned the standard Order goodbye. As Pony Pinkie left, Human Pinkie added, “Oh, by the way, Optimus Prime says hi. Are you still on for dinner at his place on Wednesday?”

“Obviously,” Pony Pinkie replied before bouncing back out into the action.

As Human Pinkie watched the world beyond the door, filled with so many happy ponies partying hard and buying new clothes, her heart grew heavy. She could hardly bare to think that the Mad One would see this – all of this happiness and joy – and just ruin it, not only for Equestria, but for everyone else in the multiverse as well! Then again, why did Writers ever bring about apocalypses in the worlds they chose to manipulate? Human Pinkie was still questioning Suzanne Collins’s logic in turning her North America into Panem and allowing the resulting calamity to happen years after word of it had reached the Audience’s world.

“Ah, Writers,” Pinkie addressed all the Writers in the multiverse, “you really are a fickle bunch.” With that, she used a nearby cash register’s money drawer as a vessel to teleport back home, as only members of the Order could.
The Saddle Row Review Short: The Prophecy
Most bronies saw "The Saddle Row Review" and thought that the second Pinkie was a runaway clone from the Mirror Pool. I am not most bronies. Now watch as we view the world of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic through the eyes of a girl who knows that her life is not truly her own.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and Transformers belong to Hasbro. The Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins.

And before anyone asks, no, I do not watch Transformers. I only know the name Optimus Prime because I heard it in numerous transformers commercials while waiting for My Little Pony to come back on.
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Rainbow: I can't believe that this country was willing to elect a stupid, inexperienced, hateful man over a loving, qualified woman to be our nation's next president. I mean, seriously! What gives?

Sci-Twi: He is going to crack down so hard on our half of the gene pool. With him in charge, it's going to be super hard for me to become a computer scientist.

Flash: I may be a male, but I would never, ever say any of the things that man has said about women. Ever.

Applejack: And it ain't just women, either. With Donald Trump as president, life is going to be much harder for all kinds of minorities.

Sunset: Immigrants from all nations will be sent back to their homes. As an immigrant myself, I know that cannot happen; America is our home now.

Pinkie: Life is going to be so sad. How will I be able to party when Trump is busy trying to get Mexico to pay for the wall he's building to keep the immigrants out?

Level: Not only am I female and an immigrant, but I also have several disabilities. People judge me enough for that as it is; I don't want it to get worse.

Fluttershy: And that's all before you get to the fact that he doesn't care about the environment like the other candidate does. With Trump in charge, Global Warming is only going to get worse before the next election.

Rarity: So, please, America, if you care about equality, join the protests that are occurring across the land as we speak.

Sci-Twi: If you care about friendship...

Sunset: Equal rights...

Applejack: Love and Tolerance...

Pinkie: Happiness for all...

Rainbow: The future of our children...

Fluttershy: And the world...

Flash: And those who are just plain different...

Level: Do what's right.

All: Join the protests.

(This message was brought to you by Princess-Level-Up. All of the characters used belong to Hasbro and DHX Studios, with the exception of Level Up, who belongs to the author. All rights reserved. Join the protests.)

(I am Princess-Level-Up, and I approve this message.)

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Princess-Level-Up
Level Up
United States
I discovered my technological talent at a very early age. In fact, my mother says that I've been installing computer programs since the age of three. My talent for writing took longer to discover, but now I'm putting both talents to use in DeviantART! Isn't that great?
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:iconniarahime:
Niarahime Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2016
:iconbowplz::iconthanksplz: for the :+fav:!
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:iconghostqueen1312:
GhostQueen1312 Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks for the fav!
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:iconechowing:
EchoWing Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the llama!
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:iconprincess-level-up:
Princess-Level-Up Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2015
You're welcome. :)
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:iconcrimson-kaizer:
Crimson-Kaizer Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, can I get your opinion on something?
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:iconprincess-level-up:
Princess-Level-Up Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2015
Sure, go ahead.
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:iconcrimson-kaizer:
Crimson-Kaizer Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
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:iconechowing:
EchoWing Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for watching me!
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:iconprincess-level-up:
Princess-Level-Up Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2015
Non prob, dude. Don't know why I waited this long. Looking forward to seeing more of your awesome fanfics in the future.
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:iconechowing:
EchoWing Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Cool. I'm working on two more right now, and will hopefully have one of them done before the end of next month. If I'm really on the ball, I'll have three out by the end of the year. Fingers crossed!
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